Rediscovering the Written and Spoken Word:

There's something both wonderful and confining about having free time. For the first time since my arrival at Oxford I have no essays waiting for composition, no immediate research to focus upon (though I have a conference paper to prepare for July and am determined to start my PhD research to get ahead whether I remain here or not), and very few classes that desire my attention and work. So I fiddle with my Latin, and I try to read some French, but mostly I read.

Now reading is something a graduate student in history does all the time. It's primarily how I work. But this, this reading without stress, it's different. It is better, but not as immensely better as I assumed it would be. I miss that feeling of working towards the achievement of a goal. And quite honestly, I miss knowing when I will next see my supervisor, and thus the stress of making sure my work will be good enough. But wait, that's not quite right, because I don't really miss the stress of it. Maybe I just miss the work.

Regardless, I do not miss reading under a time constraint and thus for the last two weeks I've been reading fiction, mostly gifts from my aunt and uncle, the act of which has given me immense pleasure, if not angered my body because of my lack of movement. My brain though, is so very active. So much so I have trouble sleeping. I'm covered in fictional dreams of the plague, romantic adventures, and fairy tale endings. Well, not fairy tale, but certainly contented, and that seems to be a very vital emotion these days.

I've found contentment in lectures as well. Without the burdens of an impending deadline I have the time to go to every seminar the History Faculty has to offer. And this has meant a wealth of scholarship and for this term, some learning from some very big names. So far in my time here I've heard the likes of Maurice Keen, Peter Brown, Robert Bartlett, Christine Carpenter, Michael Clanchy, John Watts, and Chris Wickham, among others. Later this year come Nicholas Orme, Barbara Newman, and Caroline Walker Bynum. It is a medievalists dream line-up, like seeing your very favorite artists (I won't attempt my own version in modern culture) in concert. The benefit of this, besides meeting these wonderful scholars, is accessing history from different angles and different voices. I suppose it keeps me a part of the scholarly world, while I enjoy my fiction-filled hiatus.

In all of this, I feel antsy and excited because I'm rediscovering my own personal love for all things written and spoken and I can't get enough. I wish I could; I think my muscles aching from lack of use would appreciate it, and so too, would my body, angry that it cannot rest as a result of the workings of my mind. But there is something so wonderful about delving into the very basis of humanity and culture, and the word, written, spoken, or sung, is just that.

Love,
Elizabeth