Busy Leaving...

I'm not the best at blogging, let's face it. But gosh-darn it, something is different this term. Well, several things are different. I think, firstly, you should know, I am so busy. I'm talking don't have time (forgot!) to eat breakfast busy. I'm talking missed a training session for University invigilation (forgot again!) because I have other training sessions busy. I'm talking weight of the world (ok, College) on my shoulders busy.

Why? Well, I'm the Dean. I really won't elaborate on this as it poses all kinds of confidentiality troubles, but basically, when students do stupid things, I suffer. Sometimes the suffering is minimal and sometimes (like now) it's not. But anyway, it makes me busy, because I have to do my PhD too. It's kind of important. Kinda. Oh and I need a student visa, and some loan money, and all of these things that aren't really dependent on me, but on other people and bureaucracy, and all those unreliable things. That is frustrating sometimes.

Speaking of other people, that's the other thing that's different. Majorly different. See, everyone is leaving. I know, I know...change happens...it's a good thing...people have to move on...blah, blah, blah. I get that, I do. And honestly, I'm emotionally ok with most people leaving. Yes, I'm upset that some of my best friends Ruth, Tori, and David are going to be in Cambridge from now on. I'll miss them. I do miss them. And I'm sad that Amber is in California and our Chaplain is now in Edinburgh and that Madhavi is in Glasgow. But honestly, I'm super thrilled for all these people. And I'm really looking forward to visiting them. The problem is that their presence (or lack thereof) is so obvious. The day to day workings of my life are missing some important smiles, and moments of encouragement, and laughter with my friends. You see it's difficult, precisely because I'm so busy. I don't have the time I'd like to keep up with them (or any of you reading this) and that frustrates me too. And I worry that they won't know (or you won't know) how very much I miss them and their day to day involvement in my life. Oh and as the rest of the academic year goes on...more will go. So my heart is a little sore, because it's just a lot of change, very quickly, and well, I'm losing my support system. Or, at least, the way I access and use it is changing. This is all to say, that I really love the people in my life in Oxford. They're the best part about it. Not the studying, not the work, not the books (though sometimes), and not the city (wonderful as it is), but the people. And my people, well, they're off on adventures that don't involve me and I worry that they'll forget how important they are to me.

I'm used to this kind of change. People move in and out of Oxford every year. And good grief, I moved away from home and out of the day to day lives of many of my friends there. And that hurt too. Still does. The difference is this time, the ones that are leaving were all starting when I started or already here. For me, they are/were Oxford. Now I'm just a little unsure about what Oxford will become without them.

I don't want people to think I'm not ok, because actually I am. Things are not easy, but deep down I like being busy. And I know that I am a good friend and so will continue to speak to those most important to me. But I do think it is important to acknowledge the blessing I've had in terms of people and opportunities in the last four years. I wouldn't change it. Except maybe, to have them all stay, just a little bit longer.

Good luck to all my friends making their ways in their own lives. Send me postcards.

Love to all,
Elizabeth