A Few Loose Ends:

Not too much to say today folks, yet I have an overwhelming need to type or talk. And as it is expensive to call home, I shall type. So with not much to say, why do I feel the need to communicate? It's funny, communication. It's so vital to human interaction. It makes and breaks relationships. It malfunctions. It's effective. Communication can be fluid or non-existent. And it can happen even when we say nothing at all. But communication expresses so much. Feelings, thoughts, needs. Without communication what do we have? I mean, we even communicate with ourselves, with our own bodies. I suppose for me, this textual communication is just a means of furthering communication with those at home. It also records my thoughts and my experiences here in a distant land. And in some way it proves my existence. It reminds myself, and everyone who reads it, that I am here. I am alive.

I guess this all leads to the necessary self-plug that Sarah gave in her blog today. If you are reading, can you let me know you are there? I know I have faithful readers, but it sometimes feels as if I'm all alone in this cyber world. It's nice to know that my friends and family take the time to read my thoughts. It would be even nicer to know if my thoughts meant anything to them. So, if you get the chance, would you occasionally make a comment, or send me an email, or call, regarding one of my posts. I would love to know you are all alive too.

I've found recently that when I'm particularly pensive and in need of answers or comfort to life's big questions or problems, God finds some way to provide to me a sense of peace. It most often comes in the sermon topic on Sunday evenings, which seem to eerily relate to my life. But today, I was reminded that sometimes comfort comes outside of the walls of church. I'm not sure how many of you know my cousin Aidan. I am sure most of you know that I'm particularly close to my wonderful cousins Aidan and Erika. I consider them to be my siblings. They are both so very special. Clever, kind, funny, loving...I am so blessed to have them in my life. And I really believe that we are closer than some brothers and sisters. Erika always has a way of providing me with advice and comfort when we talk together. Aidan does too. Aidan also has a way of making me think more deeply about things bigger than myself. His humanity is humbling and his words always make me question my actions and choices. Today his blog struck a chord with me that I didn't expect. I can't exactly explain why. But I suppose the comfort I garnered from it was enough to prompt me to express publicly my thanks for my cousin. In fact, thanks for both my cousins. I love and miss you both so very much. My heart aches for you daily.

This leads to a loose end which I am ashamed to have missed personally in my blog. A belated Happy Birthday to my beautiful nephew Isaac, who turned two on Friday. I love you Izzy. I cannot wait to see you in December.

I suppose I should also mention that I've had some success with my work lately. I find myself to be a rather slow reader and processor of information. I think it may stem from an ease to which I slip into boredom. I'm starting to realize that I've eased through most of my education. Concepts, lessons, lectures, facts have all come easily to me. I'm ashamed to admit I haven't always done my fair share of reading. I could figure out points of interest without reading an entire text and once I did I got bored and stopped reading. I'm thankful that I have this ability because it means that I have an internal intelligence that I consider to be a blessing. But my ease into boredom becomes more worrying the further I go in my academic career. I want to work hard, I want to read everything I can, and know all I can know about my field and my research. And you know what? I need to know it all too. None of this is meant in a bragging, self-aggrandizing kind of way. It's just mentioned as a matter of fact and observation. My time in Oxford has enabled me to learn to work harder. Again, I don't mean that I never worked hard before. I worked very hard in undergrad. But I always had the sneaking suspicion that I could work harder. And I can. So right now, I am. And I love it. I love reading an entire article and knowing what it will contribute to my thesis. I love having so many ideas I can't even begin to figure out how they will all find a place in my work. And I love, love, love having the support of such wonderful supervisors, who believe in me and encourage me. Even if my work never contributes anything to the field of medieval history, I will know that it contributed to making me a better scholar, a better worker, and a better person. I am thankful and proud for that.

I guess I did have some things to say. I am my mother's daughter after all, so I imagine (and hope) I will always have something to say that is of value. To sum up this evenings ramblings, I hope all my readers know how very much I love and miss them. I am thankful for you all and recently am particularly sensitive to all the blessings God has granted me. I cannot understand why, but I am happy to bear the burden of a well-loved person. I wish everyone had this burden (and of course, I know it isn't a burden). I hope you all know you are well-loved by me.

Blessings and love to all,
Elizabeth